So at around midnight last night, I used the following pieces of information: (several obtained thanks to calling my Mom, whose RN and knowledge of my infancy sure comes in handy sometimes)
- Guts still hurt like a motherfucker
- Appendicitis would probably hurt more, and in different ways
- I had bad recurrent constipation when I was a ~1yr old
- The thing that seemed to work really well was feeding me pear/apple juice
- Back in high school, I drank a shitload of apple juice, and tended to have diarrhea a lot
Decision: went to entropy, got a thing of apple juice, chugged it.
Result: 30-45 minutes later, felt rapidly much better. I could breathe deeply without experiencing sharp pain. This morning the discomfort is still slightly present, but minimal.
Is fruit juice likely to really be such an effective laxative, though? There are still a lot of other variables and explanations. Good ol' placebo effect is the first one that comes to mind. Maybe the vitamin C the juice had been fortified with was the thing. Maybe it was just needing to get some more liquids in me (though I had been drinking water all day). Maybe just enough time had passed. Anyway, I'm happy to be feeling less doubled-over in pain, shuffling around like an old man.