August 19th, 2003

beartato phd

(no subject)

Yugh. Woke up, feeling sick to my stomach. Took a shower, which made me feel a little better.

Remembered that the other thing that happened today was that I saw mid walking around squill with joshua. Of course the only thing I managed communicatively was an awkward smile and wave. I still have this recurring fear, not really confirmed by any particular concrete data, that she bears some hidden ill will against me, mostly because I feel like she would be justified in doing so. Ugh. I was just so... emotionless but at the same time irrational around the time we broke up. I still feel an occasional twinge of disgust and guilt about that. It feels like another version of me that the present me doesn't like at all. Bah. That was another passage of Contact that really spoke to me, the one about a successful relationship being one where all of younger selves can comfortably fit. Or just the idea of synthesizing a coherent self out of all of your past.

...of course, the reaction was that she just kind of half-smiled and waved back.
beartato phd

(no subject)

Dreams: Some girl in a 1950's-style shirt with the name "Becky" embroidered on it was hittng on me in some mall. Premonitionary omens? One can only hope. She was pretty cute.

Another one was about my plane tickets for the conference being all horribly wrong and leaving me stranded in Redmond, WA. It was that thing where while dreaming I couldn't really read anthing written down without it changing all the time.
beartato phd

(no subject)

Man, I love this place.

Sat through a two-hour meeting with kevin and frank talking about stuff I understood maybe 10% of. It felt like it completely epitomized my experience with grad school so far: feeling really stupid most of the time, but really satisfied when I understand some little thing.

Also I think I may have spontaaneously arrived at the solution of an old problem that's been nagging at me, while daydreaming for five minutes during the meeting. More on that later if it turns out to work.

The sight and sound of lots of undergrads running around and the smell of sun-baked grass and O fries is extremely comforting.
beartato phd

(no subject)

Well my first guess definitely wasn't right, but I wrote up some thoughts on strict occurrences and things, and I feel pretty confident that the second guess works.

Wait, no. The twelf code examples in there are totally wrong-headed. Argh. Got my quantifiers mixed up. Hmm.

Yeah, but Collapse )
beartato phd

(no subject)

Dinner with the mudder again. Amusing. It's always interesting to hear the slang and shared concepts of an in-group I'm not a member of. Techs and hums, C-5, LSD meaning software engineering ("large scale development") and not the drug, "Pitzer people", the perils of clinics, "the peanut gallery", and so on.

I need to: get a new passport; Get more work done before tomorrow's meeting.