February 8th, 2003

beartato phd

(no subject)

Ack ack ack. Yesterday was a very bad day from the anxiety point of view.

Though am I so weird for feeling uneasy around a housemate that is fascinated by liquid-just-about-room-temperature and arsenide-compound metals to the point that he receives chunks of them in the mail, and tries not to let me find out about them because he knows I'll only "freak out"? I admit that what I did was more than merely "feel uneasy", however, and I guess I did only confirm his conviction that he needs to avoid telling me in the future when he brings random maybe-I'll-check-if-it's-a-health-hazard-later chem-101-lab surplus in the house. I guess I just lose.

The other thing was finding a single rice krispies treats wrapper I had forgotten to throw away sitting on the floor of my room, covered in ants. I normally don't mind insects too much, but seing so many tiny, tiny, crawling ones at 2:45am when I was already struggling to chill out to some degree was not helpful. Vacuumed the little fuckers up and tried to go to sleep. It wasn't terribly easy. The hypothesis of crawling insects is just great in that it reasonably explains so many sensations. Little leg-hairs twitching randomly, tiny muscular spasms, the occasional facial itch just might be a few stragglers from the Sugary Treet Recon Mission, in my poor tired brain. Arg.

I need a good night's sleep for once. I need to cut back on caffeine. I need spring to come. I need a hammock in the middle of nowhere on a may afternoon. I need to find a place to live which, even after cleaning, doesn't have quite so much of that lived-in-by-twenty-zillion-generations-of-lazy-college-students indelible nastiness.